An Introduction: My Testimony

OK, so before I launch into writing more routine posts, I thought an introduction is necessary.
The MOST important thing you should know about me is that "I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior" (John Newton). I have been ransomed from the slavery of sin by my precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is why I am here. He is who I am living for. And though this sinful flesh remains and I am SO prone to mess up daily, He is the reason I keep on going and don't have to live any moment in despair. As Philippians 1:6 declares it, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
But without further ado, here is my testimony, that I updated this summer:

Nothing in my hands I bring...simply to the cross I cling...

Growing up in a Christian home, with a simple but complete understanding of the Gospel, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior at the tender age of 4. Because I was so blessed to grow up in a Christian home and in solid Christian churches, and because I was saved so young, I am not sure I understood the ugliness of my sin or appreciated Christ's sacrifice as much as I should have. A good Christian kid, I don't think I realized I brought NOTHING to the table...

My family moved out to California when I was 8, so that my Dad could attend the Master's Seminary and become a pastor. Ever since I was 8, I have been blessed to sit under the faithful teaching of John MacArthur and have had various people speaking truth into my life.

When I was in junior high and during my early years of high school, I got to help co-lead Sunday school classrooms of four year olds, first graders, and second graders with my parents. Junior year of high school I began attending my church's youth group, 180. While in 180, I was blessed to sit under the faithful teaching of men like Eric Bancroft and Austin Duncan, and got to observe the faithfulness, passion, and sincere walks of individuals like James and Yadi Wood and Jeremiah Kirberg (my now brother-in-law!) I got to serve alongside of some awesome Christian peers in my youth group's Student Leadership Council. I entered freshman year of college and was blessed to continue hearing truth in Crossroads, my church's college department, and in my Master's College classrooms. In many ways, freshman year felt no different than senior year of high school.

But then came my sophomore year, and the Lord in His sovereignty decided to send me many lessons from His faithful and good hand...He saw dross that needed to be consumed in my life and that could only be consumed by fire...

First semester of sophomore year, I pulled my first 4.0. Life was pretty routine- I would work and study and squeeze in a bit of social time here and there. I began dating for the first time. Other than going out on dates, I pretty much was a hermit to my books and focused diligently on my studies and my job. After one month of dating, we broke up. I took my finals and moved back home for break. I was so happy to be home. I got really sick for a week, however, worked long holiday shifts at the Gap, and took a week long Econ class.

Second semester of sophomore year began with one of my best friends taking off for a semester in Israel. No longer dating a solid guy, I became a lot less grounded. I allowed myself to be run by my emotions, instead of God's Truth. I regrettably gave away pieces of my heart, did not use my time or finances wisely, did not keep to a wise sleep schedule, and did not immerse myself in the Word or in prayer. I did not take my studies as seriously as I should have and my life shifted to revolve around a heavily-packed, and often frivolous social calendar. I dealt with change and disappointment by becoming a little party girl...the girl I would have made fun of and called into question freshman year.

Several people lovingly challenged me on where the trajectory of my life was headed...was I truly living a sold-out life for Christ, or a life sold-out to myself? Was I making wise decisions for His glory or deflecting from His character through unwise decisions? One person even gently told me that he thought I was making worse decisions now, than I had in high school. In high school, I was riding high. At least from an external perspective. I see now that a lot of what I did was out of hypocrisy and fear of man. The Lord helped me to realize this semester something I hadn't EVER thought about myself: for so long, I had been riding off of appearances and other people's convictions.

I was confronted with two important questions:
*What was I pursuing?
*And what SHOULD I be pursuing, as a child of Christ?

The Lord showed me the blackness of my sin, in a way that I had never seen it before.
But after this, when I was hurting, crushed, confused, and disappointed...He peeled back the rainclouds to reveal the rainbow.
The blackness of my sin only magnified the compassionate and forgiving nature of my Lord and Savior who bore these sins upon the cross, who removed them as far as the east is from the west, and who imputed to me His Divine, spotless record.
Two things I know: that I am a great sinner, BUT THAT HE IS A GREAT SAVIOR.

After this semester, I couldn't be more humbled or desirous to pursue a sold-out, genuine walk with my Savior. I want to daily pray for the right priorities and the proper balance- between studying and working hard, but not being a shut-in, and between being a fun individual who loves to invest in people and who enjoys a good time, but who is not irresponsible or neglects her priorities, the first being my True Love, Jesus Christ.

Even when I was faithless, He remained faithful!!! That is the kind of God I serve...He used my sin to give me a deeper glimpse into His character.
That I am weak, but He is strong.
That I am sinful, but He is holy.
That I am dust, I falter and flip-flop, but He is the Rock of Ages, steadfast and immovable.
That I bring nothing, but He is Everything.

Nothing in my hands I bring...simply to the cross I cling...

"The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Tho my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down

But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds
Forgiveness replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
And I know your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry of what I'm
looking for And I'll take all I can
and lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now
that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that erases
all these faults that have overtaken me and
I know that your response will always be

I can only speak with a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now
You take me back
Even when the pain is coming through
You take me back"
-Jeremy Camp

The best summary of my testimony/the Gospel is this song,"All I have is Christ," one of my favorites by Jordan Kauflin & Sovereign Grace: ">